Hey everyone!
So July 30 is next Friday and let me assure you that I am totally freaking out. Who would have thought that one exam would dictate what I do for the rest of my laugh, and I am definitley stressing out.
I'm not going to lie, I have been realllly slacking this whole and summer and I have not been studying as much as I could have. And with a little under a week left, I find myself 10 points short of what my goal score of 32 is.
So can one achieve 10 points in 6 full days of studying? Yesssirrrr and that will be me.
I'm going to have myself on a tight sleep/study/eat schedule, and I am even quitting my stupid job at Victoria's Secret so that I can achieve my goal. I can't wait to see if I have any improvements.
Over the top? Yes. Impossible? Not quite. We will see.
ABout to kick physics in the ass first!
Day 0
Score: 21
Let's do ittttttt
Friday, July 23, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
be careful what you wish for?
So I was clearly a little upset when I wrote my post last night, I guess maybe it's just my hormones kicking in. But I totally forgot to even mention the fact that I got a job at Victoria's Secret as a beauty consultant. FINALLY, a job. I can make some money because I really have this bad habit of spending money I don't really have. they say it's only seasonal but if they need me to stay on the rest of the year, I can. Either way, money is money.
Today was day one of my diet, and I basically changed up my eating style. Here are my rules:
No meat (just fish)
No soda
No candy
Vegetarian options in order to get my protein and have things that taste like meat
only water and juices
exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week
We'll see how well this goes. I'm giving myself a goal of 15 pounds by July 30 (which btw is my MCAT test day ahhhhhhhhhhhhh)
let's see if I can do it.
Last time I tried going vegetarian I lost a lot of weight, but I also got pretty sick. Let's see which one comes first. But at least this time I am allowing myself to eat fish at my leisure (not necessarily once a week like I did last time).
Time for a skinny me to finally come out. And shut my moms trap.
Well anyway, my brother went to see his girlfriend today and my parents went over to their other house so I knew I was coming home from my training session to an empty house. I feel like I make such a good house wife to myself. It was so nice to be able to come home with groceries and not have the juice I bought be hounded by my older brother. Then I cooked fresh tilapia and made some white sauce pasta with mushrooms. ANd to be all fancy, I drank my 100 percent juice in a wine glass.
I feel pretty good. I even tried a few of the "spinach bites" that I bought at the grocerie store, they taste pretty good. I guess we'll see about the veggie chicken nuggets and other things I bought. I'll keep you (whoever you are) updated on those ventures.
Well tomorrow starts another day and I profess to go to the gym before work!!!
Night
Today was day one of my diet, and I basically changed up my eating style. Here are my rules:
No meat (just fish)
No soda
No candy
Vegetarian options in order to get my protein and have things that taste like meat
only water and juices
exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week
We'll see how well this goes. I'm giving myself a goal of 15 pounds by July 30 (which btw is my MCAT test day ahhhhhhhhhhhhh)
let's see if I can do it.
Last time I tried going vegetarian I lost a lot of weight, but I also got pretty sick. Let's see which one comes first. But at least this time I am allowing myself to eat fish at my leisure (not necessarily once a week like I did last time).
Time for a skinny me to finally come out. And shut my moms trap.
Well anyway, my brother went to see his girlfriend today and my parents went over to their other house so I knew I was coming home from my training session to an empty house. I feel like I make such a good house wife to myself. It was so nice to be able to come home with groceries and not have the juice I bought be hounded by my older brother. Then I cooked fresh tilapia and made some white sauce pasta with mushrooms. ANd to be all fancy, I drank my 100 percent juice in a wine glass.
I feel pretty good. I even tried a few of the "spinach bites" that I bought at the grocerie store, they taste pretty good. I guess we'll see about the veggie chicken nuggets and other things I bought. I'll keep you (whoever you are) updated on those ventures.
Well tomorrow starts another day and I profess to go to the gym before work!!!
Night
Thursday, June 10, 2010
mid years resolution
I feel like if there should be one rule in the realm of mortals that should never be broken it is this:
don't call people fat while they are eating.
I mean, my mother always has the best intentions but I feel like I am already overly self aware about my weight and I don't need her to go and make me feel worse about myself.
Honestly, I don't even consider myself fat. I know that I am thinner than a lot of people who are under that category, but being a girl growing up in 21st century Miami. Being normal sized doesn't cut it.
Yeah, I have a donk. And I always do my best to conceal it. I guess that's not really working out.
Ugh, I wish I can just tell her to stfu. But no, I have to have god damn principles and never talk back to my own mother. She means well, but she has no idea how much she hurts me. Maybe I should start throwing up or just starve myself all together. Yeah, that sounds about right.
From now on I will declare that I eat only 2 meals a day one snack and go to the gym at least 3 or 4 times a week.
I'll give myself to the end of June to lose 10 pounds. Let's see if I can do it...
If I do, I'll tell my mom to shut the HELL up hahaha
what poetic justice that would be.
don't call people fat while they are eating.
I mean, my mother always has the best intentions but I feel like I am already overly self aware about my weight and I don't need her to go and make me feel worse about myself.
Honestly, I don't even consider myself fat. I know that I am thinner than a lot of people who are under that category, but being a girl growing up in 21st century Miami. Being normal sized doesn't cut it.
Yeah, I have a donk. And I always do my best to conceal it. I guess that's not really working out.
Ugh, I wish I can just tell her to stfu. But no, I have to have god damn principles and never talk back to my own mother. She means well, but she has no idea how much she hurts me. Maybe I should start throwing up or just starve myself all together. Yeah, that sounds about right.
From now on I will declare that I eat only 2 meals a day one snack and go to the gym at least 3 or 4 times a week.
I'll give myself to the end of June to lose 10 pounds. Let's see if I can do it...
If I do, I'll tell my mom to shut the HELL up hahaha
what poetic justice that would be.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Things are starting to look up
Another late night post, man I really should try investing in a thing called sleep.
The past week has been pretty strange. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together after like a few days of separation but it's hard for me to really think about what is good for me, rather than going back to what is comfortable. I must admit, it isn't easy fending him off. What am I doing? What am I so afraid of?
But as Drake says "Oh yeah, that's right I'm doing me."
Who would have thought that focusing on yourself, rather than the happiness of other people would feel so liberating? Like really, it's great. Whenever people would tell me, oh do things for yourself don't think about what others have to think blah blah blah. That's all crap, in todays world you always have to be mindful of what others thing and say about you or else you aren't going to get anywhere. But when I actually started using this advice, I feel a whole lot better.
I'm starting to do things at my own pace. I'm going to go to the gym not because I want to, I'm finally getting around to hang out with my sorority sisters that I PLEDGED with.
The only thing that's stopping me from true and utter happiness is this god damn MCAT. Like wtf. I wish this shit can be over and done with already. I've nearly given up on medical school, I don't know why I prolong my inevitable defeat by actually studying for it. Hmm I guess this is the price you pay for your dreams, even though I fucked up in my academics so many years ago. One mistake trickles down to a huge mess in the end. July 30 is the day I will feel relieved. Because after then I get to go back to what I feel is my natural home. new York.
I don't know why I feel so good in New York. Maybe it's because I feel the fashion and the imperialism right when I get off the plane, or maybe it's knowing that he's there. But now,I get to go with no strings attached. I can be happy and finally see the rest of my life unfold. I hope it's all worth it in the end.
I have so many things to look foward to in my senior year of University.
Okay okay, all this optimism is going to make me throw up.
Good night all.
(if theres anyone there)
The past week has been pretty strange. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together after like a few days of separation but it's hard for me to really think about what is good for me, rather than going back to what is comfortable. I must admit, it isn't easy fending him off. What am I doing? What am I so afraid of?
But as Drake says "Oh yeah, that's right I'm doing me."
Who would have thought that focusing on yourself, rather than the happiness of other people would feel so liberating? Like really, it's great. Whenever people would tell me, oh do things for yourself don't think about what others have to think blah blah blah. That's all crap, in todays world you always have to be mindful of what others thing and say about you or else you aren't going to get anywhere. But when I actually started using this advice, I feel a whole lot better.
I'm starting to do things at my own pace. I'm going to go to the gym not because I want to, I'm finally getting around to hang out with my sorority sisters that I PLEDGED with.
The only thing that's stopping me from true and utter happiness is this god damn MCAT. Like wtf. I wish this shit can be over and done with already. I've nearly given up on medical school, I don't know why I prolong my inevitable defeat by actually studying for it. Hmm I guess this is the price you pay for your dreams, even though I fucked up in my academics so many years ago. One mistake trickles down to a huge mess in the end. July 30 is the day I will feel relieved. Because after then I get to go back to what I feel is my natural home. new York.
I don't know why I feel so good in New York. Maybe it's because I feel the fashion and the imperialism right when I get off the plane, or maybe it's knowing that he's there. But now,I get to go with no strings attached. I can be happy and finally see the rest of my life unfold. I hope it's all worth it in the end.
I have so many things to look foward to in my senior year of University.
Okay okay, all this optimism is going to make me throw up.
Good night all.
(if theres anyone there)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Day 2
My goodness. How such a short time span can change someones perspective about everything.
I thought I wanted to be with him. That my heart was just torn between the two. But I am finally standing up for myself, and not giving into the easiest route. He wants me back, I think we shouldn't be together for a while. I want to explore what this world has to offer, and I guess all I want is his friendship....you all can stop rolling your eyes. It can be possible. Right?
My god I hope I am doing the right thing.I really should get to bed though because I have an English presentation on Prometheus tomorrow. Hah....irony much?
I think it's funny how I feel like I have to be vague about everything in this blog. As if people will read it. Why do I feel like I have to speak in code? Theres nobody to judge me. I guess maybe I feel like I am some sort of epic writer by writing so eloquently online. Bull shit. Maybe I'm just afraid to read back my own raw and uncut thoughts. Afraid that I am going to say that I am willing to sacrifice my sanity for the feeling of being safe and warm once again.
Man, why is it that Drake's music is the only thing that makes me feel good right now? Houstatlantavegas, shut it down, sooner or later..they all just speak to me. If he wasn't such a celebrity I would soooooo be his friend. I wish he could narrate my life in my head for me. Although Drake does kind of remind me of him. His humour, his smile, the way he always makes me feel good. Why don't I feel 100 percent? I guess this is all the risk I am willing to take. I mean, doesn't hurt that he's a good kisser too haha He makes me feel safe, he makes me laugh, he's pretty smart, cultured, and he always tries so hard. Sounds like a great guy huh? Tell me about it. I don't need convincing when it comes to that. I just want to be happy. I just hope that that is what he can give me. It's not like my life is about to be a walk in the park. I have medical school to look forward to (I guess I need to start praying that I get accepted to schools), my whole life. It's hard for someone to tell me that I need to put myself first, when all I want is to be happy with him. But distance is never easy. Aghhhhhhh. Fuck my brain. I hate thinking too much.
Just take me away Drake....Give me this moment to myself. And let me be strong.
Just like Prometheus.
I thought I wanted to be with him. That my heart was just torn between the two. But I am finally standing up for myself, and not giving into the easiest route. He wants me back, I think we shouldn't be together for a while. I want to explore what this world has to offer, and I guess all I want is his friendship....you all can stop rolling your eyes. It can be possible. Right?
My god I hope I am doing the right thing.I really should get to bed though because I have an English presentation on Prometheus tomorrow. Hah....irony much?
I think it's funny how I feel like I have to be vague about everything in this blog. As if people will read it. Why do I feel like I have to speak in code? Theres nobody to judge me. I guess maybe I feel like I am some sort of epic writer by writing so eloquently online. Bull shit. Maybe I'm just afraid to read back my own raw and uncut thoughts. Afraid that I am going to say that I am willing to sacrifice my sanity for the feeling of being safe and warm once again.
Man, why is it that Drake's music is the only thing that makes me feel good right now? Houstatlantavegas, shut it down, sooner or later..they all just speak to me. If he wasn't such a celebrity I would soooooo be his friend. I wish he could narrate my life in my head for me. Although Drake does kind of remind me of him. His humour, his smile, the way he always makes me feel good. Why don't I feel 100 percent? I guess this is all the risk I am willing to take. I mean, doesn't hurt that he's a good kisser too haha He makes me feel safe, he makes me laugh, he's pretty smart, cultured, and he always tries so hard. Sounds like a great guy huh? Tell me about it. I don't need convincing when it comes to that. I just want to be happy. I just hope that that is what he can give me. It's not like my life is about to be a walk in the park. I have medical school to look forward to (I guess I need to start praying that I get accepted to schools), my whole life. It's hard for someone to tell me that I need to put myself first, when all I want is to be happy with him. But distance is never easy. Aghhhhhhh. Fuck my brain. I hate thinking too much.
Just take me away Drake....Give me this moment to myself. And let me be strong.
Just like Prometheus.
wake up call
Day 1:
Today my boyfriend of 5 years and 8 months broke up with me.
My heart is in a million pieces. And yet, I still try to trick everyone around me that everything is fine. Who am I really trying to fool? Others, or myself? The old tale is becoming true before my eyes, you really don't see what you had until it is taken away from you.
I love him so much, and I know that he feels the same way about me. He says that I didn't have the time for him, when all I do is try to give him everything. Am I supposed to give up the things I love to do just to appease him? I know there should be common ground, but I never realized that I was pushing him this far.
How pathetic I must look to a bystander right now. Nearly 5 in the morning and I have no other way of getting my feelings out except by creating a blog and listening to Enya. Epitome of a dumpee.
He calls me and tells me he made a mistake. He wants to be with me. Why do I ALWAYS have to be the person with the decisions. Ball is in my court, and I decide whether or not I continue my life with him and perhaps fall in the same hole we are in now, or do I stay true to what he originally wanted and not falter just because he left me crying in my own bed?
I am your average college student. I am a few weeks away from taking the MCAT, I am stressed about getting into medical school, and on top of it all, my rock of nearly 6 years has just left me.
I somehow convinced myself that I can move on, and that I can be his friend, and that that is what I want. I guess miracles can happen.
I just want everyone to know that I am not some emo college chick who is complaining about her life. I consider myself pretty normal. But my inability to convey my emotions to anyone (except him) is kind of biting me in the ass now. I'm not suicidal or anything or the sort, just a confused soul trying to find a way to get through it all.
I doubt anyone is going to read my blog amongst the million other people who are actually optimistic about their lives. I guess that's just not what I'm about.
Again, I am not depressed, just overly negative. I tend to bitch about stupid things and I will go on rants on occasion on the things that bother me. For example, the diva boss bitches who showed up to the Sex and the City 2 premiere in their fake louis vuittons and 5 inch platforms. Like, what the fuck? Carrie Bradshaw isn't about to come out from the screen and compliment you on your lack of style. Memo to all of Miami, fake designer ANYTHING isn't cute. It's just tacky. Try getting a job, stop watching movies at fucking midnight about a life you wish you had, maybe suck a dick or two, and get money to buy your own stuff.
Hah, who would have thought that me ranting about bitches would make me feel better....and just like that, the world is at peace. But not really, more like a purgatory. Maybe I'll see the cast of LOST and tell them how they just wasted 6 seasons of television by ending the show with a dumb ass ending. They were all dead??? The fuck? Why is ABC trying to pull some sixth sense shit on me. Now I remember why I hated that show. Ahhhh.
Anyway, time to sleep. English class at noon. Brilliant.
Today my boyfriend of 5 years and 8 months broke up with me.
My heart is in a million pieces. And yet, I still try to trick everyone around me that everything is fine. Who am I really trying to fool? Others, or myself? The old tale is becoming true before my eyes, you really don't see what you had until it is taken away from you.
I love him so much, and I know that he feels the same way about me. He says that I didn't have the time for him, when all I do is try to give him everything. Am I supposed to give up the things I love to do just to appease him? I know there should be common ground, but I never realized that I was pushing him this far.
How pathetic I must look to a bystander right now. Nearly 5 in the morning and I have no other way of getting my feelings out except by creating a blog and listening to Enya. Epitome of a dumpee.
He calls me and tells me he made a mistake. He wants to be with me. Why do I ALWAYS have to be the person with the decisions. Ball is in my court, and I decide whether or not I continue my life with him and perhaps fall in the same hole we are in now, or do I stay true to what he originally wanted and not falter just because he left me crying in my own bed?
I am your average college student. I am a few weeks away from taking the MCAT, I am stressed about getting into medical school, and on top of it all, my rock of nearly 6 years has just left me.
I somehow convinced myself that I can move on, and that I can be his friend, and that that is what I want. I guess miracles can happen.
I just want everyone to know that I am not some emo college chick who is complaining about her life. I consider myself pretty normal. But my inability to convey my emotions to anyone (except him) is kind of biting me in the ass now. I'm not suicidal or anything or the sort, just a confused soul trying to find a way to get through it all.
I doubt anyone is going to read my blog amongst the million other people who are actually optimistic about their lives. I guess that's just not what I'm about.
Again, I am not depressed, just overly negative. I tend to bitch about stupid things and I will go on rants on occasion on the things that bother me. For example, the diva boss bitches who showed up to the Sex and the City 2 premiere in their fake louis vuittons and 5 inch platforms. Like, what the fuck? Carrie Bradshaw isn't about to come out from the screen and compliment you on your lack of style. Memo to all of Miami, fake designer ANYTHING isn't cute. It's just tacky. Try getting a job, stop watching movies at fucking midnight about a life you wish you had, maybe suck a dick or two, and get money to buy your own stuff.
Hah, who would have thought that me ranting about bitches would make me feel better....and just like that, the world is at peace. But not really, more like a purgatory. Maybe I'll see the cast of LOST and tell them how they just wasted 6 seasons of television by ending the show with a dumb ass ending. They were all dead??? The fuck? Why is ABC trying to pull some sixth sense shit on me. Now I remember why I hated that show. Ahhhh.
Anyway, time to sleep. English class at noon. Brilliant.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)