be careful what you wish for?

So I was clearly a little upset when I wrote my post last night, I guess maybe it's just my hormones kicking in. But I totally forgot to even mention the fact that I got a job at Victoria's Secret as a beauty consultant. FINALLY, a job. I can make some money because I really have this bad habit of spending money I don't really have. they say it's only seasonal but if they need me to stay on the rest of the year, I can. Either way, money is money.

Today was day one of my diet, and I basically changed up my eating style. Here are my rules:

No meat (just fish)
No soda
No candy
Vegetarian options in order to get my protein and have things that taste like meat
only water and juices
exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week

We'll see how well this goes. I'm giving myself a goal of 15 pounds by July 30 (which btw is my MCAT test day ahhhhhhhhhhhhh)

let's see if I can do it.

Last time I tried going vegetarian I lost a lot of weight, but I also got pretty sick. Let's see which one comes first. But at least this time I am allowing myself to eat fish at my leisure (not necessarily once a week like I did last time).


Time for a skinny me to finally come out. And shut my moms trap.

Well anyway, my brother went to see his girlfriend today and my parents went over to their other house so I knew I was coming home from my training session to an empty house. I feel like I make such a good house wife to myself. It was so nice to be able to come home with groceries and not have the juice I bought be hounded by my older brother. Then I cooked fresh tilapia and made some white sauce pasta with mushrooms. ANd to be all fancy, I drank my 100 percent juice in a wine glass.

I feel pretty good. I even tried a few of the "spinach bites" that I bought at the grocerie store, they taste pretty good. I guess we'll see about the veggie chicken nuggets and other things I bought. I'll keep you (whoever you are) updated on those ventures.

Well tomorrow starts another day and I profess to go to the gym before work!!!

Night

mid years resolution

I feel like if there should be one rule in the realm of mortals that should never be broken it is this:

don't call people fat while they are eating.


I mean, my mother always has the best intentions but I feel like I am already overly self aware about my weight and I don't need her to go and make me feel worse about myself.

Honestly, I don't even consider myself fat. I know that I am thinner than a lot of people who are under that category, but being a girl growing up in 21st century Miami. Being normal sized doesn't cut it.

Yeah, I have a donk. And I always do my best to conceal it. I guess that's not really working out.

Ugh, I wish I can just tell her to stfu. But no, I have to have god damn principles and never talk back to my own mother. She means well, but she has no idea how much she hurts me. Maybe I should start throwing up or just starve myself all together. Yeah, that sounds about right.

From now on I will declare that I eat only 2 meals a day one snack and go to the gym at least 3 or 4 times a week.

I'll give myself to the end of June to lose 10 pounds. Let's see if I can do it...

If I do, I'll tell my mom to shut the HELL up hahaha

what poetic justice that would be.

Things are starting to look up

Another late night post, man I really should try investing in a thing called sleep.

The past week has been pretty strange. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together after like a few days of separation but it's hard for me to really think about what is good for me, rather than going back to what is comfortable. I must admit, it isn't easy fending him off. What am I doing? What am I so afraid of?

But as Drake says "Oh yeah, that's right I'm doing me."

Who would have thought that focusing on yourself, rather than the happiness of other people would feel so liberating? Like really, it's great. Whenever people would tell me, oh do things for yourself don't think about what others have to think blah blah blah. That's all crap, in todays world you always have to be mindful of what others thing and say about you or else you aren't going to get anywhere. But when I actually started using this advice, I feel a whole lot better.

I'm starting to do things at my own pace. I'm going to go to the gym not because I want to, I'm finally getting around to hang out with my sorority sisters that I PLEDGED with.


The only thing that's stopping me from true and utter happiness is this god damn MCAT. Like wtf. I wish this shit can be over and done with already. I've nearly given up on medical school, I don't know why I prolong my inevitable defeat by actually studying for it. Hmm I guess this is the price you pay for your dreams, even though I fucked up in my academics so many years ago. One mistake trickles down to a huge mess in the end. July 30 is the day I will feel relieved. Because after then I get to go back to what I feel is my natural home. new York.

I don't know why I feel so good in New York. Maybe it's because I feel the fashion and the imperialism right when I get off the plane, or maybe it's knowing that he's there. But now,I get to go with no strings attached. I can be happy and finally see the rest of my life unfold. I hope it's all worth it in the end.

I have so many things to look foward to in my senior year of University.


Okay okay, all this optimism is going to make me throw up.


Good night all.


(if theres anyone there)